Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
