ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
