I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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