toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
