she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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