we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize