just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
