Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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