we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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