It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize