Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize