sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
