never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
