How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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