when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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