fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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