Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
