Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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