Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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