MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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