He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
