Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize