I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
