Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
