Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
