everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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