I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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