I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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