It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
