sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
