Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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