i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
