Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
