Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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