I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize