I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
