You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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