forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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