I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
