dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
