I want to make a zoo with you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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