Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
