I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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