I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
