Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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