Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
