it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
