$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
