Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
