I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
