hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
