If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize