just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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