well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
