Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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