After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
