Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
