i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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