True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
