She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
