Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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