Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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