he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm bleeding and have questions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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