I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
