I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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