i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
